Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

Inspired by this blog post, Ez Pudewa of Creature Comforts  challenged a group of bloggers to write about things we are afraid to share with our readers. Just one post that was completely upfront. The thought is a little revolutionary. What if people, women especially, were just honest with each other?  Below is my little piece of the challenge.

Life is not all dancing in the kitchen and cotton candy colors. The walls of my home do not always echo with my children's laughter. Sometimes my marriage bends under the weight of work and motherhood and the everyday. And in those moments when the pretty glass of my life has been smudged, I feel very alone. Alone and sure that other women don't have days when they don't know whether to walk or run or hide. That I must be the only one that can be reduced to tears by a pile of dishes in the sink. Sometimes the world and the people in it seem so bright and able and I feel so small. In my rational moments, I know that I am not the only wife, mother, WOMAN that feels the way I do. I understand that there shouldn't be anything lonely about being a woman. Perhaps if we shared the burden of our problems as readily as we share organic quinoa burger recipes, life would be just this much easier and just this much richer.

So, a step.

A list of five things that I don't want you to know because they show that I am often much less than I should be. Flaws and vanities that I may or may not overcome. A few bullet points that demonstrate I am just human and working on it. A little something that will help you to remember that you are just human, too. And, oh my goodness, maybe that is okay.

(I know what you are thinking...Just five, Meg? Come on, you can do better than that. And I could, but the magnitude of the unabridged list would overwhelm you, dear reader. It would absolutely crush you in an avalanche of mismatched socks and never did anything about it dreams. Trust me, five is all you can handle.)

5 Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

1. I think I could be a bestselling author. I can envision the cover art, the climb up The New York Times Bestseller list,  and the book tour which, naturally, includes a stop by The Ellen Show.

Oh, Ellen! You found the characters to be both complex and approachable? It's the best thing you have ever read? Of course I will sign your copy...shall I make it out to Portia, too?

Yes, I really think I could be a famous, movie based on the book, set for life author. And do you know what I have to show for all my certainty? A lot of talk and the wisp of an outline divided between my computer and two pads of paper. Apparently achieving a dream takes something more than pretension and a couple of late night brainstorms.

And what it takes, I may not have.

2. I don't care for green smoothies. Sorry Pinterest, but I really don't.

3. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, unable to breathe, absolutely sure I have missed every opportunity motherhood has given me. After the panic subsides, I walk softly into the girls room, listen to them sleep and tuck their feet back under the blankets. Then I take myself out into the hall and sit with my back against the wall. Just breathe. I will do better, I promise. No more one more minutes, maybe tomorrows or forgotten I promise we wills. I tell myself to remember that they are experiencing so many things for the first time. Be patient. Rejoice. For a time I really do so much better....until I don't.

And then I wake up again, in the dark, unable to breathe.

4. I didn't like the Twilight books and only tolerated the first volume of Hunger Games. This probably indicates that some part of my womanhood is broken. I am open to any suggested long as they don't require me to read Breaking Dawn again. (Note: Both Stephanie Meyers and Suzanne Collins have written best selling novels. I have not. [see number 1 on this list.] Advantage Ms. Meyers and Ms. Collins)

5. There are few things more terrifying to me than a group of successful women my own age. Those bright, colorful women that are doing the things they hoped to do while still keeping their children's faces clean. They are part of an important conversation and I feel I have nothing to contribute.

So there they are, a few of the little and not-so-little things I sweep under the rug when you drop by to say hello. Even though I should trust you. Even though you could help me. Even though you might need my help, too.

Let's do better.

Interested in the other bloggers that took part in this challenge? Ez's post will be posted around noon CST today at Creature Comforts.