No, we are totally clean and orderly and in charge of our own destinies and....
Every marriage has its recurring discordances.
The biggest battle royale to find its way into our happy union takes place in our bed.
And no, it's probably not what your thinking.
I like to cuddle. And most mornings after Riley goes to work, the girls and I cuddle and read books and watch bad Disney movies in my bed until about 8 o'clock. And yeah, sometimes the little munchkins get hungry while we lay around talking about fairies and the tragedy that is the Disney envisioned Pocahontas. What am I supposed to do? NOT feed them crackers and granola bars and goldfish in my bed?
After all the snack eating and maybe a pillow fight or two, we move on with our day. But, sometimes, even after the most vigorous "I'll just brush my hand across the bed once or twice to clean up the mess", a few crumbs of crackers or granola bars or goldfish remain. But they are so tiny and basically nothing more than a theory of crumbs and it seems like the only way to truly eradicate them is to vacuum the bed and I mean, heavens, who has the time for that? And then I am like, Hmmmm. Maybe making the bed OVER them, the said crumblettes will somehow make them disappear? So I do and then go on with the day.
And then the night comes.
Generally the conversation goes something like this:
Riley, thrashing and pushing the blankets back up off of him: You guys ate in bed again, didn't you.
Riley: I mean seriously, did you just crush a box of saltines and then pour the contents onto my side of the bed? This is ridiculous. It feels like I am sleeping on jagged sand.
Riley: Let's not have them eat in our bed anymore.
And then two days later we do it all over again.
Last week, we stayed up late working and crawled into bed as tired as either of us have ever been.
Me: I feel bad. Before you even say anything. We totally ate in bed today. And I'm not sure that I got it all vacuumed out of the sheets. Mainly because I didn't vacuum.
Riley, laughing: It's okay. I've succrumbed.
Guys! Get it? SucCRUMBed? I just about died laughing. And then didn't let the girls eat in bed for five whole days.
Because that's love.