If Living is Without You

 When I can finally eat sugar and flour, the first thing I am going to do is make Alison of The Alison Show bake me this cake. Because she is a baking goddess. Really. Check out her site.

What would you eat after a month of deprivation?

I haven’t been feeling well lately. Always nauseated and in a constant state of extreme fatigue. Just a few weeks ago, I had to pull over on the side of the road after a lunch date and take a ten minute nap.

“Okay, kids. Stay in your car seats, Mommy needs some shut eye. Zuzu, please stop crying. Those cars whirring past us at fifty miles per hour won’t crash into us. Probably.”

Not my best moment.

After months of Google and Webmd searches (apparently I have the ebola virus…or hep c….or both), I decided to go to a real live doctor. The lovely woman assured me I wasn’t dying, but that there is a small problem. Apparently slipping into a coma after eating a salad with extra croutons is not, shall we say, normal. My family is full to bursting with diabetics and while not yet one of their exalted number, my blood sugar is a little wackadoo. It hates anything with sugar or wheat, which is to say…it hates me.  So as treatment for the next MONTH, I will be forgoing anything that contains wheat, sugar or happiness. I predict lots of tears. And anger.

Yesterday was my first sugar-free, wheat-free day and it was…hell. The sugar I can live without, but the wheat….oh, the wheat. I miss it so bad it hurts. Hurts in a place I didn’t even know I had, somewhere within the core of my being, the spot where my soul and stomach meet. I kid you not, at one point I picked up one of my daughters Top Ramen noodles and licked it. Ah, just having that contact with refined flour even for a mere moment, made me feel a little bit better.

I may have a problem.