No, I did not use my spare time to Google image search "the best bread in the world" and then come across this pretty print (available on etsy!) featuring none other than the famous French Poilane bread. I mean, only a crazy person would do that....right?
Thoughts that go through my head on the 8th day of a doctor suggested “food lifestyle” that lacks gluten, sugar, simple carbohydrates and happiness.
6am Oh, man. I feel so good in the mornings now. So much energy! I mean really, I am positively optimistic. Oh, I can just feel my body breathing freely without that thick filter of unnecessary additives and all-purpose flour. Good morning, glorious day!
8am Alright. Time for an egg white omelet filled with spinach. Oh yeah. There it is. All those egg whites. Mmmm. This is really good. Wow, a few bites in and you really start to taste that spinach. Quite a pungent little vegetable, isn’t it? No, I don’t feel like gagging at all. Really. Not even a little. Maybe Viola will eat the rest.
10am I am starving. I don’t know if I will ever be satisfied again. Who does this to themselves? On purpose? I am supposed to eat a handful of raw almonds and shout hurray? Not bloody likely.
12pm It really is a blessing having to take time out of every day to prepare a healthy lunch. I take so much for granted in this go, go, go world. It is so easy to forget about the little luxuries like eating a perfectly marinated lemon chicken and roasted Brussels sprouts while the sun is still shining. Honestly, I feel positively European. I am so glad I am taking the time to be more deliberate about my food consumption. What else can we be more deliberate about? I should make a list! While I cook my perfectly grilled chicken! Oh, I can feel it. This moment is the start of something special.
12:05pm My heavens this is taking forever to cook. Who lives like this? I have things to DO! I can’t just sit around all day and baste chicken. There are children to be fed. A house to be cleaned. I COULD BE SITTING DOWN AND STREAMING RE-RUNS OF HOUSE HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL.
2pm I wonder if I should take up making my own bread. Not for me, of course. No, it would be for the children. I should definitely spend the next 45 minutes looking for the perfect recipe.
4pm Do my gummy vitamins count as sugar? And what kind of ill effects can I expect if I eat them like candy? At this point, I am willing to risk intestinal cramping…among other things. I just need something sweet.
6pm Oh, great. Lemon chicken for dinner.
8pm I made it! The end of the day! Oh man, I wish I could celebrate in a style befitting the accomplishment! Maybe I should have just a little tiny piece of the tiniest slice of bread with some of that Amish butter. You know, the cherry on top of a job well done. Oh yeah, there it is. Delicious.
8:02pm Just one more piece. I mean, moderation in all things and whatnot.
8:05pm That bread kind of negated the whole experiment, didn’t it? I mean who can tell what my blood sugar is doing with all those simple carbs floating about in there making it spike and wiggle and dance all suggestively. And bread? That is what I cheat with? How disappointing. I could have done so much better!
8:07pm Ice cream is better than bread. And since I’ve already fallen off the wagon….
8:12pm Best bowl of ice cream ever. Maybe, since the day is kaput, I should just go all out and have one more. With cookies. And one more piece of butter bread. And that frozen Reese’s in the fridge. And who wants to make bacon?
9pm Overall, not a bad day. I mean, I refrained from ordering an entire deep dish pizza just for myself when I really, really wanted to at lunch. And today, I am going to call that a win. I really should congratulate myself somehow.
I wonder if there are any more Reese’s in the fridge.